Encouragement Leads to Idiocy

You’ve encouraged your children from the time they were born. You’ve told them that their first Duplo creation was a masterpiece. When they said the entire alphabet for the first time, you hugged them and told them that they were brilliant.

You’ve told them that they look like Tom Cruise when they got a haircut. Every finger painting, every chalk drawing on the driveway, and every crayon doodle has been pronounced “Wonderful!”, “Beautiful!” or “Oh my gosh, did you make this?!” even if said drawing was on a freshly painted wall.

For every “C” earned in English class, you’ve encouraged them by saying, “I know you can do better.” Every “D” or “E” was the teacher’s fault.

When they started learning how to drive, you told them they were doing fine even if they put the car in the ditch. “Everyone does that the first time out”, you say.

For every new skill they tried and every little white hair they produced on your head, you’ve told them, “Keep trying, you’ve almost got it!”

Is it any wonder that after all that encouragement, praise, and little white hairs, your son or daughter now thinks they are wiser than you, prettier than you, a better driver than you and that they think you are as dumb as a stump?

We created these monsters that think they are better than us. These new adults now think they can conquer the world because we told them they could. We told them how great they were, how beautiful they are, and that they have what it takes to get anything they want out of life.

How does that encouragement transform the encourager into an idiot? Just because we tell them they are smart, does that mean we, the encouragers, are not?

Of course, we can’t stop encouraging them, because truthfully, we may be the only people in their world who think they are smart, pretty/handsome, and capable… which is why they probably think we are idiots. Because, though they may believe us to a point, if the rest of the world thinks they need therapy, have two left feet, and look like Phyllis Diller, we must be wrong.

Why must we be wrong? Why isn’t the rest of the world simply facetious, jealous, or just plain mean? I don’t have a problem telling my son when his hair is sticking up like Alfalfa. When there is dirt on their nose, or something hanging out of their nose, I tell them. If they got a bad grade, I don’t tell them it’s a good grade. Why would I lie to them?

I guess that is what it means to be a parent; to encourage to the point where we look stupid. Someday, the time will come when we loose our waistlines, our hair, our teeth, and, eventually, our minds. Then we can only hope that we have encouraged our children so well that they’ve begun to believe that they are better than we are.

At long last, those children will become adults, have the world at their fingertips and begin making it a better place, while we struggle to get up a flight of stairs with our walker. Only then will we hear these words: “Come on, mom, you can do it!”

Laura Snyder's website is: http://www.lauraonlife.com/